To be more 'direct' with your ex you have to place seduction at the heart of your attempt at getting back together. It's a basic motivation, but it's often easier for him to seduce someone he's already been with than someone new. I've been broken up for 6 months now, after an amazing 3-year relationship, and I was desperate to get her back for at least the first 4 of those months. Some take just a few months to miss an ex, and some take even more time. dont come at me like im making it so hard, none of this woulda happened in the first place if you knew how to act like an effen adult so ill be over tomorrow". Zan, my healing process without you would be super long and more painful and probably with many breakup mistakes. If he came back just for himself to heal and feel better, he could say that he loves you and that he wants to be with you. Some people just hate confrontation. This time around BOTH of us are in NC from the get go and things seem very very final. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). You have been such an insensitive and selfish human being. Please get another girl pregnant twice within 8 months, treat her with nothing but disrespect, and inconsideration break up with her twice and see how she acts. If you try, youll likely achieve the opposite results. Its truly depressing for me. Avoiding the place my "friends" and he usually go every year and going to a different town felt like a safe bet. I want it to be over I need to restart my whole effen life and start? They know that the time theyve spent away from the person they left could have been enough for that person to detach and get over them. If your ex is still calling you . He explained that when he gets angry he doesn't think of other people or anything else, but that because hes so stubborn and prideful he also doesn't know how to apologize when he knows hes wrong and so forth. The sooner you discover his reasons for leaving and his intentions, the sooner you'll get this over with. I've decided since he seemingly is so cold and shut off that despite both of us agreeing originally to sit down and discuss who gets what that I need to protect myself, and I dont want to deal with him or see his face at this point and watch him be a hardass when we used to be so close to one another, so despite my aprehensions about letting him come into the house by himself and take his pick, I know for my sanity its the best thing I can do for myself. You chose to go and hang out with these people. Even if he doesnt pay on the 6th he can still keep his things here legally which is messed up.I cant tell him to get them, I feel like I cant do anything at all. Also the fact that you have ignored them that long, usually does not sit well with them, so they come back for an ego boost. I still worry for him at this moment because he's drinking himself into oblivion like he does anytime he becomes single again. Why else would he not come today?! Do Ex Girlfriends Come Back After Months? When he cane back last time we had so many discussions where he said behaving so cold and not honoring his half of the rent was immature, terrible and so forth. After 3 months of strict no contact and being dumped, my ex texted me. Idk what to make of this situation any longer. I want to be assertive and tell him to get his ****, but I've looked into every legality to try and protect myself and to also have a case at the end of my lease to take him to small claims court if he doesnt come through with the rent. He wants the ego boost and the thrill of conquering your heart again, but he does not actually want to be with you again. If he doesn't pay rent by the 6th, find out how you evict him. And make that known to him. Also, dont blame yourself for not seeing the breakup coming. Unlike last time where I left everything as it was in hopes that it prolong the opportunity to see him and so forth, this time I am trying to make it as quick as possible, and like I said I am now not even planning on being here for it to protect myself. I think the "why" is the part that is often neglected in much of the advice given on ENA. But in my experience, the ones who returned almost immediatley, were the ones looking to reconcile..the ones who left it a while, were communicating to catch up. I think at least one of my exes waited several months to contact me after the split because he left me for another woman, and he knew he hurt me--so I believe he thought he was being respectful by giving me time to heal. This isn't, or it shouldn't be, about power, revenge, game playing or control - it should be about mending, fixing, repairing and making it better. Now that hes back, hes dealt with some of those issues. He was beating around the bush saying we would "discuss" his half of the rent when the time came and yet again trying to dictate everything. Taking him back right away and showing that you are so willing to work on things (after he obviously wasn't) is just a continuation of begging for him. And why it happens consistently across the board, across the country, across the globe, is because that 3 - 4 month mark is only as long as someone like him can keep on doing this. He being just as cold as he was the last break up despite admitting last time it was horrible and immature. And now I'm sitting at home with nothing to do trying to avoid the same place everyone I know is going. No longer do they think that the woman is perfect and incapable of hurting, angering, or smothering them. Here are 12 possible reasons why he's come back after months apart 1. BUT hes the one that has texted me every weekend saying he is coming to get his ****, and so forth. The sooner you discover his reasons for leaving and his intentions, the sooner youll get this over with. I cant take back the fact that i shoved him in front of my friends, but I have made every effort in this break up to try and be kind, civil and apologetic. Now, you just want to know why men come back months later when you assumed that the relationship was all in the past. He explained that the first week he really felt he was done, he was so angry and didn't know why and that the second week when he calmed down he was too stubborn and didn't want to go back on his word so he began binge drinking and trying to distract himself, but that by the third week he was having nightmares and not eating and was utterly miserable and feeling like his whole life was wrong. Its not like you were naive. It is not unusual for a guy from 3 years ago, to come knocking at your door, reminiscing about old times. I really was trying to take care of myself, i got a promotion at work though still not enough to truly cover my bills and my surgery would ultimately entail a settlement that would relieve me of some of the bills thatcwere making it difficult to cover rent. Make sure to take the time to figure out why he came back after months (what inspired him to do that) so that you know whether hes serious about you or just serious about recovering from the shocking experience he went through without you. 1. It doesn't hurt for you to talk to your landlord and find out what your options are. I know that they can sit around and await you to go begging back. as it was said earlier, its not time for strategies,etc. So we were together for 2 years, then he broke up with me. If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. The week before I found out I was pregnant and was very torn up and stressed about it and the situation, while he was honest that he wasnt ready he also was much more supportive and caring to my needs but regardless I was a mess, and stressed beyond repair. I took him back for any reason any one would, I loved him and he seemed truly sorry for what he put me through. He truly realizes he made a mistake and he wants you back. It's Been Months And I Still Think About Her, My Ex Got Married Only Months After The Breakup, to see what the person they abandoned is doing, he disappeared and came back months later, what to do when he comes back after disappearing, Getting Back With An Ex After They Dated Someone Else, When You Love Someone More Than They Love You. You cant tell him that hes wrong because that would tell him hes wrong and make him see that youre desperately trying to prove a point. It's halloween and its making me nostalgic, this time last year we were amping up for a wonderful few nights of celebrating, it was a blast. Currently you have JavaScript disabled. After he texted me nasty stuff about the apartment and everything I said "I dont know what I did to you because you are acting like I cheated on you and killed ur dog when Ive been nothing but respectful to you this entire time. The reason for that is that people tend to appreciate that which they work for. You don't know for sure if he is with someone else. instead of just going back to him with no question. In most cases if you happen to take them back in your life, a couple of months later after their curiosity has been satisfied and they have proven that they can "get you back", they will often bail again. Commitment scares many men and it will take some of them a loooong time to get past their fear. Youve managed to avoid many breakup mistakes, so you pulled through relatively quickly. I wouldn't care how many years we had spent together, I wouldn't care if there were children involved. As I explained in previous posts, I took him back slowly and guarded. Come the 6th and he's bailed on rent, you take his things and drop it wherever he's living. In this time he messaged me a week ago asking if i wanted to come over and hang out and i didnt reply. Did someone you like/liked disappear and came back months later? If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. In this post, well talk about guys who disappear and come back months later to be in a relationship. no reconciliation, never, ever, no matter how much he changes his ways. He doesn't handle his emotions well and he was raised to be relatively insensitive and suck things up, topped with a short temper. If they genuinely regret leaving, they come back months or years later and show that theyre ready to give their best. I would try to go NC and would get to at the longest 12days and then break it and message or call him. sweetlady He swore if something came up again that we would handle it in a respectful manner, and now hes being worse than last time. I was fighting less and talking more, he was fighting less and listening more. By Really? Thank you heartbroken- i dont believe this time he will come back although ive been hoping he does, he said this time was different and hes seems to be truly done with the situation. Stay strong and keep going forward. I am hurting and at times backslide and miss him and so forth, but for the most part unlike last time I have fully come to terms with the fact that this man is finished, and that he is not who I thought he was and will not be coming back. It has taken some guys years to come back. Sign in with Google I doubt it was. My cat recently went missing for over 3 months and just came back last night. Or, he may have noticed a woman who looks like you. Guys love to be pursued and wanted. He reappeared months later just to message you for no reason at all. My most recent ex stayed in contact with me several times a week because he was depressed and wanted to get back together about 3 months later (probably earlier but he was convinced I was having this great life without him) and like cristal said above, it was a complete failure. I have the anxious trait: I'm scared of being abandoned. After 3 months a man will usually either step up or step out. Hey guys! Know that he may be in dire need of assurance and emotional support and that he could leave again when he meets someone who fits his relationship criteria. We have to live with our actions. He went to his families house for lunch. He already got most of his stuff in the first shot, now all thats left is a bag of his winter clothes, his wii, dvd player and grandmothers dishes, as well as whatever it is he intended on splitting from our home that we purchased together. Why would he ask if i wanted to work things out and then just stop tlaking to me??? Know when enough is enough. This is why hes emotionally ready to give the relationship another go, commit, and be the man he should have been last time. If it means that you want to be sure that he means what he says and isn't being careless with your heart then fair enough. I think that if you want to rekindle, love someone and want to be with someone, it doesnt take months to figure it out. Im happy cause he said that but at the same time im confused as to why hes saying this now after all this time. I assume you're referring to how long it takes for a dumper to re-establish contact with a dumpee? He has every right to look at past relationships and compare them to you. Content titles and body He Wants You Back in His Life So if youre thinking about giving a guy who disappeared another chance, dont drop everything for him. Other times i feel like maybe i expected too much and was so concerned with being treated like a doormat that i became high maintenance and didnt cut him the slack he deserved. He shouldn't be obligated to remain with you in such a miserable situation just because he said things in the past. Such disrespect, and dysfunction?". After reading this whole thing, the relationship sounds completely debilitating to both of you, and highly toxic. I miss you". If you were annoyed that he wasn't telling his friends he didn't want to go out and to spend quality time with you, you should have SAID SO. What does 'not take him back easily' mean? I'm sorry that ur family wont allow you to continue living there with the dog. It was more 'Was thinking about you and wondering how you are', as to why they claimed to have called. Thats why they often keep coming and leavingusually until they get over their ex, deal with their stress, or find someone they admire and want to be with. If you can't even be back together with him for a few months without that happening, FORGET a life time relationship. Started Wednesday at 07:22 PM, By Why do guys come back after 3 months? if it was me, i would not be too impressed that he tried to broach something serious like that via text message. tell him you need to think about it. Like I said he doesnt handle emotions well, and once I got pregnant I cried all week long not knowing what to do or handle things, and it seemed to take its toll on him and how he was treating me which only furthered my frustration and desperation in a lot of ways to have things go back to the way they were just the week before, which was wonderful. I am very much aware that I actively participated in the relationship not working, I am also very much aware that my actions have reactions and consequences, again I am not excusing my behavior from that night, all I can do is be regretful and apologetic and learn from it, and thats all I've done with any mistakes I've made. So those who had a long breakup what made you come back after 6+ months? TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. It's okay to hope, but keep it at a realistic level. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. If I was with someone who thought it was OK to get THAT irrationally angry enough to put their hands on me, and push me, that would be it. A point that is very important to youwhich would prove the opposite of what youre trying to prove. I still dont get why in the hell he keeps putting it off. Then legally evict him. Please any insist would be great!! He doesnt want a relationship or a friendship. Its been 15 days since we broke up. Im beyond belief right now. loland then I got in touch. When people break up and definitely put an end to it, they delete phone numbers, messages, and pictures and return each other's belongings. Yes in a perfect world I would have been more cautious and strong and never took him back and none of this mess would have happened. i so badly want to speak with him as humans despite how cold hes been,but its impossible to approach the unapproachable. Second time around, your patterns of emotional volatility resurfaced. Anyway, the most common reasons why guys come back after months are: If you realize that the guy came back for any reason other than love, you should be very careful about him. A man will usually either step up or step out and it will take of! Men and it will take some of those issues does anytime he becomes single again achieve the opposite what! Broke up with me know for sure if he does anytime he becomes single again these.! Something serious like that via text message to prove, your patterns of emotional volatility resurfaced to at! 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