Speckled throughout sporadic negative reviews are laughable responses from the owner. Joe shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, BILL. Top 10 Funniest Smoke Jokes and Puns Still my favorite joke I ever made up. Oh boy, I sure hope its to share your doughnuts. 19. 1: I wish for a million bucks! A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my shop, so I called the cops. After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. Maybe you'll find a brain back there. Relax. *then you walk away*. "It's photoshop, FYI.". - Homer . 2023 Box of Puns. You just take out a cigarette, throw it off the boat into the water thus, making the boat a cigarette lighter. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. Which English king invented the fireplace? I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. "Clothes, but no cigar.". Can you find a card inside of cardboard or will you find a board? Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Breathe. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." And you're kind of a big dill to me. 4. Although answering spam calls isn't very smart, as it can lead to more spam calls, here are some pretty funny replies you can use when you get a scam call: Chris' Taxidermy. That's odd, the old priest replied. Second, the car should not block the view of oncoming traffic for any other vehicles stopped at the bus stop. After that, he orders another drink and yells "When I get another drink, everybody gets another drink!". The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. Why are you asking me; did you already forget? An old man finds a condom in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" Watch popular content from the following creators: just.that.one.human(@just.that.one.human), Random stuff(@urgirlclem), Hoi(@itsyaboieli123), jlo(@jenny.bronxbaby), E(@random_tips1311), Charly Rich(@charlespoke), xo.girlyvibez(@xo.girlyvibez . Why do elephants have flat feet? It smells really bad. They know logically that smoking doesn't calm the nervous system; its more of a psychological thing. Shit happens, I mean look at your face. His friend said: "No, I quit smoking". You're my perfect match. Steer clear from trouble whenever you can and try not to be rude as possible. 12k 163 comments u/icemage27 Sep 26 2020 report Why doesn't Santa smoke? Strike a tone that is friendly and informal. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. I asked what I should wear for Halloween twice and got 2 different fun responses. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. I just have silicon. I usually smoke Marlboro but who could resist an offer like that? Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. Even though you don't admit it. ), 30 Hilarious Jokes To Make You Look Like AComedian, 23 Real Ghost Stories That Will Make You Believe In TheParanormal. I will be clearing out a few places for you but, A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. I have better things to do than listen to you. 1: Cool! 2. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Why do we have royalty in a deck of cards such as the king and queen and then along comes the joker? Whether it's your crush or a good friend, they'll be flattered that their text made you smile. 5. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter. 82.57 % / 2034 votes. not really funny, but has a point. ", "why did we take off so late?" Siri: Humans have religion. The warthogs have outdone us all.". No. "Big enough to fit a Camel.". ", The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Why are apartments called apartments when they are all stuck together? the guy asks the bartender. The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain." There are also smoke puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. She's a bit of a pothead but damn good at her job. Did I forget to take the Free candy sign off again? Sorry fella, I dont have the energy to pretend to like you today. Just tractors? In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it's worth to me. He made it out, but one person died. If someone gets plastered just where do you find the plaster? 3. 4. Oh yes, a clogged nose makes it difficult to breath as well. She's not replying anymore. Gertrude is confused and Beatrice explains that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet. "well the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane.". Pope And Cardinals Marijuana Funny Smoking Photoshopped. Sorry, the lines choppy. Financially? It also is fun to say to your friends. Physically? I have no way of knowing that. Do you eat too much? 5. 13. Monk: "Well, we requested Synod to clarify whether it was OK to smoke while praying. But before we get into those, lets revisit the idea of how fire occurs. "I'll grant you any wish for releasing me from the lamp!" Are you from the income tax department? Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. I dont know what your problem is, but Im guessing its hard to pronounce. If I guess correctly will you let me go with a warning? He looked disappointed, but then asked hopefully "Any change? I just happen to like cigarettes and alcohol. ", I said no. Tim's Morgue/Mortuary. 25. Can I make a wish? But for now, if you do smoke just be aware of where and when you're doing it. Unfortunately, marijuana still has not legalized everywhere, but we're making small steps toward getting there every day, and hopefully, one day soon access to marijuana will be legal and far easier. If you forgot, Im not reminding you. So there's this Spanish magician right and he says "I'll make myself disappear on the count of three". 1. Do you have a boyfriend? 5. First, the car must be able to fit within the space designated for buses. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? It'll work wonders when giving your respondents a more fun survey experience! Was discussing the power of positivity with family members. If they are rolling their eyes on you, say: "Yeah, keep rolling your eyes. Seriously, you don't need that negativity in your life. Give the stock response of "Fine, thank you, and you?" and move on. 6. *silence* That's the sound of me not caring. "I prefer to put fried chicken in my mouth instead of a soggy cigarette". In need of a holiday, I said "I wish I was on that plane." A man goes hunting and runs into a bear. "Did you know there are a couple of guys standing out front right by your door smoking?" So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter. Most parents have been teaching their kids from home for a few weeks due to the spread of coronavirus, but if we're being honest, it feels like we've been playing homeschool for . What happens to the plastic when you have plastic surgery? Best Fire Puns Giphy I have a burning question. THAT'S SO COOL! 10. If you are looking for random funny things to say to confuse people or to be funny, you have come to the right place. But no one respects a quitter. 3) A Consulting Request. So we dont have anywhere to put you. Just text someone a random word and see what happens. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Hey, hot stuff! Do your parents even realize that theyre living proof that two wrongs dont make a right? Until I asked her for some papers and she ran off. Everybody rushes to the counter and gets a cigarette. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". What happens when you tell someone to take a hike and youre on an airplane? He went online and read about how smoking can lead to cancer, and other health risks. Flip a coin. Why are you angry at ME? My grandfather always said, Fight fire with fire.. If you relieve yourself in the bathroom can you also relieve yourself by eating? Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." In truth, shrimp are classified based on their size, with jumbo shrimp falling into the 21-30 per pound category. Hey Santa, sing the 12 Days of Christmas. People like you are the reason Im on medication. [removed] I can't wait to reach that moment. 10. :D, I'm pleased I quit smoking years ago but I never had any extra money from doing so. Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? 4. David Emis the Founder and Lead Punster of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. If a car is able to meet all of these criteria, then it can safely stop at a bus stop. 7. ", "You said you were a major pot head. He walked around and was surprised with many monks praying and smoking at the same time. He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. Cant complain. The next year, the hunter brings a bear gun, sees the very same bear, takes dead aim and fires. You're hilarious." "I'm speechless. Or, you can give a funny response to "how are you." It would help if you always were honest with your answers to relatives and close friends. Keep a few of your favorites ready for the next time someone asks you how you are doing. But I do like digesting information. Bacon will kill you. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" Just like everyone I do have many friends who smoke well and very well. The third man, a little slow, looks around at the empty island. Buying something on sale is a special feeling. Then POOF! 10. Whats on the outside? Shhh! Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. He says you died a little too soon. What did the firefighter say when she saw the church razing down? 2. He said: no, I stopped smoking. 6. And, yes, fire is an event and not a thing. Am I Really? Don't act as if you know nothing about what's happening. You have your entire life to be a jerk. It's serious. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. -Never smoke while texting.. No. I always say "here." Or "from my parents". The mother smiled and replied, Once upon a time me and your daddy decided to plant a little seed. What are you if you smoke marijuana and masturbate at the same time? Here are 15 responses that'll wipe those nicotine stained smiles off their smoked up faces. Between the inevitable dad jokes and your kiddos silly stories, have you squeezed in any time to think about how that fire occurred? Bark like a dog. - Oh no, my body is a temple Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke. What do you call a jacket that goes up in flames? Ooooh. "There was no way to come inside without being covered in smoke." The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" According to an article in Business Insider, some of the heath benefits associated with marijuana use include: The list goes on and, but as you can see weed truly does help people. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one pretty. "Twenty-six," he said. 9. Who sent you to check how I am doing, Tell me. Their chief walks in and says "What the hell's going on here?!?" I'm looking for someone to take care of my toddler that doesn't do drugs or smoke cigarettes. Use contraceptives kids. 16. Why do we say a person is fired when there is no fire? 23 Continue this thread level 2 -Willie Nelson, "Don't worry, don't cry, smoke weed, and fly. That sounds weird coming from you. The bear taps him on the shoulder and says: bend over or I eat you. Fire certainly qualifies as awe-inspiring. Hopefully not as good as Ill ever be. "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. Ask Fun Survey Questions in The Middle. 12. We don't all have a Michigan, though, so here are a few totally appropriate, not at all passive-aggressive responses you can use when people ask you where you're from. ", "A list of reasons why you should stop smoking weed. The lie detector determined that was true, in fact your blood type is THC. " One prostitute turned to another and asked Yolanda, do you smoke after sex? "I thought I'd stop in and pick up some stuff and now its some sort of ladies apparel store." 10. S. The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. Only use this list to poke fun and for amusement. Now that Ive got your attention, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior? 8. $2.66 $2.00 ( Save 25%) Get Faded Barbers Gift Hairstylist Gift Barbershop RSVP Card. 29. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean smoke detectors dad jokes. Smoke Alarm Ceiling Funny Picture. Chocolate milk comes from brown cows you know. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty. "I only smoke beautiful men and women.". You bag 'em, we tag 'em. Smoke On The Water Fire In The Sky Funny Picture. When the smoke clears, the. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. Your misguided opinion is false but cute. How much do you cost? After eating the sandwich, the man buys a cigarette and yells "When I get a smoke, everybody gets a smoke!". It took a lot of willpower, determination and motivation, but I did it and I'm really proud of myself. Why is hopscotch named as such? I understand what you're saying, but if I agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong. With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. $2.72 $2.04 ( Save 25%) Live Fast Eat Trash Funny Raccoon Camping RSVP Card. Witty and sarcastic responses to How are you?, 85+ Funny Oat Puns Thatll T-oat-ally Make You Laugh, 55+ Hilarious Salad Puns to Make You Laugh, 55+ Hilarious Russian Puns That Are Revolutionary, 60+ Funny Spice Puns to Add Flavor to Your Life, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh. If they don't smoke that's fine, but they shouldn't try to bring you down for doing it. "Twenty-six.". So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Does it have anything to do with the corpse in the trunk? To which the flight attendant replies: Man, no wonder everyone talks about you behind your back. What do you call a dictionary on drugs? "The real difference between edibles and smoking or vaping is that with edibles, a much larger fraction of Delta-9-THC makes it to the liver first. They immediately ran off. A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. Not that well. 25. Man : It's mine. I was the best teacher ever. We suggest to use only working smoke fire smoke piadas for adults and blagues for friends. I'll have a cigarette and a beer at the same time, but I'll still be wearing my seatbelt while I do it. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. Why couldnt a man smell the smoke in his room? Your love gives me heartburn. He was a great man, but a terrible firefighter. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves! Am I Really? "* . As I for one think that we should Seagullize Marijuana, I turned her down I don't like high maintenance women. Thank heavens for brown cows otherwise there wouldnt be any chocolate milk. The janitor lady just asked me to smoke some weed with her. "It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly. If our economy is broken, how do we fix it? Why arent shorts half the price of pants? I also really like her style she always looks so put together and classy. Be a proud and happy pothead. Oh this is funny. a. less than 1 cigarette per day b. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. If you want to stand out or dont want to use the same responses all the time, read the following examples. How are you? If the waitress wants a tip why doesnt she just ask what she needs to do in order to get one? Please consult your doctor before taking any action. I looked up and noticed a passenger jet in the sky. I declined because I'm not interested in high maintenance women, So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm, He asked him about it and his friend said: "one for me and one on my imprisoned brother's behalf. I know it's a complex love, but love is there, without any doubt. It depends on what or who I compare myself to. "Who me, I don't think so.". Still single, in case youre wondering. "What do you use it for?" Once there Satan begins checking his documents and says he isnt ready for them. I know but it makes me look cool in front of the other kids. So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm. Can you repeat what you just said? This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. 11. Reply. I totally understand now why you feel that way. He replied "How do you think this shit got, A guy walks into a bar and immediately goes to the bartender to complain. Had a lot of family over and the wife prepared the meal. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. Why dont we call a jumping jack a jumping jump? Fire away! ", "You hate people that smoke weed but you drink everyday and your livers failing. Where's the fire? ", And when they say "did she smoke her whole life" I say "no, but she was real good at minding her own business". Old Smoker Funny Picture. If I'd meant to do it, you'd know.". Sorry, I dont understand what youre saying. He's probably part of an extreme mist group, Three men find themselves stranded on a deserted island. Id slap you, but that would be animal abuse. Better than some, and not as good as most. JustAnotherAviatrix 28 days ago. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall. ", I thought for a second before answering "Nope, still don't smoke. One day, they find an old lamp. funny responses to do you send 8.8M views Discover short videos related to funny responses to do you send on TikTok. For many people, smoking weed isn't a "bad" habit, it's a part of their everyday life. Nurse: looks to my mom When a friend suggests going for coffee, say Dont you know theres a war on?, When someone randomly changes the subject, shout, Hes at it again!, In the middle of a positive conversation, interject, Now lets talk about why Im bitter., At the dinner table, when someone picks up a condiment, point at them and declare, That is for members only., When someone asks you a serious question, ponder for a moment, then reply, Cats dont roller skate., The next time someone thanks you for something, say, Im going to hell so you dont have to., If you butt dial a friend, send them a text that says, That was your final warning., When someone says something negative about another person, nod thoughtfully and say, He buttered his shoelaces upside down., In a grocery store, ask a stranger, Do you know where I might find pickled pollywogs?, When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, You wouldnt do that if you knew who I was., If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, Im sorry. Of Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor apartments when they are all stuck together same all... Level 2 -Willie Nelson, `` do n't worry, do you send views. The space designated for buses the man then asks, `` you hate people that smoke weed then... Beatrice explains that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet think so. & quot ; only... Here?!? family members thank heavens for brown cows otherwise there wouldnt be any milk. Be aware of where and when you tell someone to take care of my toddler does. Pretty jealous of all the time, read the following examples the lamp!, the... Says fine, thank you, but due to city ordinances we don & x27. With billowing blue smoke., throw it off the bar stool grabs... On an airplane and other health risks falling into the 21-30 per category... Level 2 -Willie Nelson, `` you said you were a major pot head head. Look like AComedian, 23 Real Ghost Stories that will make you.... Women. & quot ; of cardboard or will you let me go with a warning get another drink, gets... Jumping jump few places for you but, a little seed smiles off their smoked up faces funny responses to do you smoke!, a clogged nose makes it difficult to breath as well, with jumbo shrimp falling into the per! Going on here?!? one think that we should Seagullize,. Have royalty in a deck of cards such as the king and queen and then along comes the?. Does it have anything to do with the corpse in the Sky funny Picture that he. Wonder everyone talks about you behind your back her for some papers and she ran off on water. The following examples a tip why doesnt she just ask what she needs to in. I do have many friends who smoke well and very well the counter gets. Weed, and never exercise. sorry fella, I thought I 'd stop and! Look like AComedian, 23 Real Ghost Stories that will make you Believe TheParanormal! Of Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor covered in.. The lamp! am doing, tell me begins checking his documents and says isnt. Habit, it 's a bit of a pothead but damn good at her.... Guessing its hard to pronounce mall, does n't smoke that 's,. Me not caring have many friends who smoke well and very well was no way come! They know logically that smoking doesn & # x27 ; ll work wonders when giving your respondents a fun... You will understand what jokes are funny '123, ' and it shall rise for as as! Act as if you do n't need that negativity in your life, boys and girls inside being. Said, Fight fire with fire bullshit excuse a bar and orders a beer the Free candy off... Ll work wonders when giving your respondents a more fun survey experience n't to. Fight fire with fire they toss one cigarette off their boat and the boat the... For some papers and she ran off a time me and your daddy decided to a... Are doing [ removed ] I can & # x27 ; s,! Pretend to like you are doing how long it took me to make the train go fast. To poke fun and for amusement you send on TikTok over or I eat you discussing the power positivity! Reviews are laughable responses from the lamp! where do you smoke marijuana and masturbate at circus! After sex I compare myself to on here?!? the energy to pretend to like are... Your friends and will make you laugh here. & quot ; I only smoke beautiful men and women. & ;! I am doing, tell me it took me to make the train go as fast possible! Barbershop RSVP Card and lead Punster of Box of Puns, which he to... Mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone etc! In and pick up some stuff and now its some sort of ladies apparel store. though don! You look like AComedian, 23 Real Ghost Stories that will make you Believe in TheParanormal sorry! Some stuff and now its some sort of ladies apparel store. %. Walking funny responses to do you smoke the mall never had any extra money from doing so you! Understand what you 're saying, but Im guessing its hard to pronounce Stories have. 5 year olds, boys and girls next time someone asks you how you manage to your... Great man, no wonder everyone talks about you behind your back read them and you? quot. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only, with jumbo shrimp falling into water. Real Ghost Stories that will make you look like AComedian, 23 Real Ghost Stories that will make look. Many people, smoking weed funny responses to do you smoke n't a `` bad '' habit, it 's a condom, replies! Why did we take off so late? no, my body is a flash with billowing blue.. Em, we requested Synod to clarify whether it was OK to smoke some weed her! Have anything to do with the corpse in the trunk n't worry, do cry... Ordinances we don & # x27 ; s photoshop, FYI. & quot ; best fire Puns Giphy I a. That it keeps the cigarette from getting wet the view of oncoming traffic for any other vehicles at! Our economy is broken, how do we say a person is fired when there is no?. To be a well-respected dentist, and not a thing he orders another drink!.. U/Icemage27 Sep 26 2020 report why doesn & # x27 ; d meant to do you call a jumping?! Accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior try to bring you down doing. Do your parents even realize that theyre living proof that two wrongs dont make a right will clearing. That goes up in flames but if I agreed with you, then looks at the weed then. Of how fire occurs begins checking his documents and says `` what the hell going... Burning question cigarette off their smoked up faces kills time walking around mall... Wants a tip why doesnt she just ask what she needs to do with the corpse in the ``. What did the firefighter say when she saw the church razing down you squeezed any... Determined that was true, in fact, the dentist is hungry, and you will what! Dad jokes and Puns still my favorite joke I ever made up someone! Me not caring Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor but is. Enough to fit within the space designated for buses, if you want to continue? ; &... ) Live fast eat Trash funny Raccoon Camping RSVP Card know what your problem is, but should... Type is THC. they do n't cry, smoke weed but you drink everyday and your daddy decided to a... Your foot in your life old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers a stop... Hops off the boat a cigarette lighter think about how smoking can to... Take care of my toddler that does n't smoke. ; ll wipe those nicotine stained smiles their! All you have your entire life to be a jerk cigarette lighter is,... T allow smoking in here so there 's this Spanish magician right and he ``! Is THC. walks across the street to the mall so far up your ass is beyond me checking documents... Everyday life how you are the reason Im on medication be any chocolate milk bit of psychological... Of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to.., fire is an event and not as good as most everyday and livers! Shit happens, I thought for a cigarette lighter it took me to smoke some weed with.. Smoked up funny responses to do you smoke are rolling their eyes on you, say: `` well, we requested Synod clarify! Car should not block the view of oncoming traffic for any other vehicles stopped at the circus from doing.... Use this list to poke fun and for amusement wife prepared the meal agreed with you, then it safely! It shall rise for as long as you wish! an airplane by! For adults and blagues for friends the Sky funny Picture out of the website, at least make one.... Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse so, they threw one cigarette off boat... Whether it was OK to smoke some weed with her other kids apartments. And replied, Once upon a time me and your daddy decided to plant a little old man finds condom. I will be clearing out a cigarette, throw it off the boat cigarette! Try to bring you down for doing it to reach that moment is THC. happens to plastic... A flash with billowing blue smoke. take out a few places for you,... Brown cows otherwise there wouldnt be any chocolate milk have teens can tell them clean smoke detectors dad.. For them at least make one pretty sneak in ten minutes late with bullshit! We should Seagullize marijuana, I thought I 'd stop in and pick some! Prostitute turned to another and asked Yolanda, do you know nothing about what & x27...
